Why won’t my child go to sleep? [Suspicious Asparagus]

IMG_2680.JPGMiniMunkie is not the world’s best sleeper. She’s far too curious and busy to waste time with her eyes closed. She’s also very clever and comes up with a lot of cunning reasons why she should be allowed to stay up.

  • She needs a drink. But not from THAT cup. Or that one!
  • Her foot is sad.
  • There’s a bee. Somewhere.
  • Her pink fluffy turtle is thirsty.
  • She needs her blanket. Not touching her. But closer than THAT.
  • There are blackberries in the fridge.
  • MoonMunkie is there.
  • MoonMunkie isn’t there.
  • She needs her baby doll. The other one. With the dress that got lost a month ago.
  • Mummy is naughty.
  • The chair isn’t in quite the right place. Now it’s in the right place but at the wrong angle. Bit more to the left. Back again. Left a bit more. There. Just right.
  • There’s an unidentifiable noise which can only be heard by bats and MiniMunkie but it’s very annoying.
  • She needs someone to hold her hand.
  • She doesn’t want anyone to hold her hand.
  • MamaMunkie is not wearing her glasses.
  • She she’s not tired. Munkies don’t get tired. She’s never been tired. We can’t prove she’s tired so … Zzzzzz Zzzzzzz Zzzzzzz Zzzzzzzz
Advertisements

Suspicious Asparagus

free asparagusWelcome to MoonMunkie’s Suspicious Asparagus, the place to explore the world from child’s eye view. And today we’re beginning with the original Suspicious Asparagus Event that inspired this page. MiniMunkie has a unique take on the world. Don’t say you weren’t warned!

The Modern Guide to Asparagus Dining, by MiniMunkie.

Step One: Ignore asparagus until it is the final item on your plate. It tastes better when it’s stone cold.

Step Two: Poke it a bit with your finger to make sure it’s been correctly dispatched. Many an unsuspecting diner has been killed or maimed by asparagus that was just playing dead.

Step Three: Hold asparagus in a pincer grip and wave it furiously around the table. This aerates the asparagus making it tender and tasty.

Step Four: Dip it into lime squash. This step is so obvious that it needs no further explanation.

Step Five: Rub it carefully through your hair to remove loose scales and avoid choking. Better restaurants will provide a comb amongst the silverware for use after Step 5.

Step 6: Take a small bite, remembering to maintain the correct facial expression. It should suggest that the chef has mistakenly served up woodlouse in a piquant wasp sauce.

Step 7: Don’t chew as this can ruin the flavour. Scrape the asparagus off your tongue and dump the remaining stem on the floor.

Don’t be caught out. Etiquette and manners are among the most important elements of a person’s character and personality.

If you enjoyed this, subscribe for regular updates!